Jack who?

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owners of Knee-Deep Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school drop-out.

After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and, consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

American food, desi flavor

Ham on the Street

The name of the show itself turned me off initially since I'm not a big fan of red meat (ham, beef, etc). But the other day I was watching the Food Network and Ham on the Street had an interesting show on making some quick fix guilty pleasures (desserts). The host George Duran showed a quick recipe on how to make some chicken fingers, which is not normally considered desi food. Besides chicken fingers are fried which is a big turn off. But the twist here was that, these were healthy baked chicken fingers with curry powder in them.
The (approximate) recipe:
1. Take skinless boneless chicken breasts and slice them into finger sized pieces.
2. Take light mayonnaise and mix curry powder in it and stir till it turns light brown in color. (You can add other spices also depending on your palette)
3. Dip chicken finger in mayonnaise-curry powder mix till they are completely coated.
4. Dip the coated chicken fingers in a bowl full of bread crumbs till they are completely coated with crumbs.
5. Preheat oven to 350°.
6. Place chicken fingers on cookie sheet and bake in oven for 15 minutes or until the crumbs start turning deep golden brown.
(This is my own twist to the recipe)
7. Pull out of oven and devour them with a side of Maggi hot n sweet tomato chilli sauce, it's different boss.

Disclaimer: I tried this at home and it worked for me. It's an easy to make recipe even for people with minimal cooking skills, like me. But I'm not responsible for any mishaps encountered by other desis while trying this recipe, which may or may not include getting your dharma-brashta.

Most eagerly awaited sequel ever

Cricket in USA at last?

Sachin in USA at last?

Last month the ICC formally recognized the USA Cricket Association (USACA) ..... again and with that (hopefully) all the internal wrangling and mud slinging has come to an end. USACA is working with India on playing some matches in New York, Texas, Chicago, California and woohoo......... South Florida. With the Indian team doing so well in one dayers, I can't wait to get a glimpse of them in action.

The US has a large South Asian expatriate population that is mostly doing well financially. South Asians love cricket. So cricket in USA should be taking off bigtime right?
To quote my favorite ESPN analyst (and former FSU alum), Lee Corso, "Not so fast, my friend!".
From cricinfo.com(1),(2):

Nine days ago there was a meeting in Dallas which was vital to the future of cricket in the USA. Coming at the end of a year of bitter infighting which has left the game's reputation in the US in tatters overseas, some would argue it was the most important meeting in the USA Cricket Association's history. And yet, almost nobody turned up.......................................

This part blows me away. You would think in one of the most sports crazy country and also the most technologically advanced country, you would at least have a decent website. The website looks like something a 5 year old would throw together.

...............The USACA has undertaken what I assume to be a deliberate policy of silence for almost a year. No events or explanations have been made to stakeholders, all information has had to come from third parties, and the board has been, in my view, utterly incompetent in its responsibilities to keep its own members informed.

In this day and age, a website is the first source of disseminating information, as well as the quickest and cheapest. The USACA claims that it has been having trouble with the site. Earlier in the year it said the URL had been "hijacked". But the refusal to maintain what most small clubs would accept as a decent site has been atypical of the board's reluctance - almost refusal - to share information. Anyone who runs a website would attest to the ease of adding a few basic details. Indeed, the USACA managed to update other information in the meantime. But the EGM was not deemed important enough. And, nine days on, there is not even a brief resume of what happened - or rather, didn't happen.

The story of the USACA from last year reads like a textbook on Bureaucracy 101.

Those who were at the meeting - and there weren't even enough directors to enable a board meeting to be held - say that there were useful discussions. So useful that the USACA has not let anyone know what happened. But whatever was mulled over, nothing agreed was binding and, given the USACA's track record, there must be grave suspicions that talk will not result in actions.

Are desis alone to blame for this mess? Certainly not! USACA is made up of members originating from South Asia, the Gulf, The Queen's boys, Down Under, South Africa and the Carribean. But among the above mentioned, desis form the largest contingent and with our history for internal squabbling and apathy, we are certainly need to take out share of the blame. All said and done, I hope Cricket in the USA takes off in a big way with the 2007 World Cup in the Carribean.

Fareed Zakaria on US versus European immigration

What every US immigrant dreams of before arriving

Zakaria conveys his feelings on why the European model of immigration will perhaps not work in the United States. With all the talk of the guest workers program, which basically does not ensure any kind of eventual permanent status for the immigrant worker, this article may explain why perhaps Americans should not go the European route when dealing with immigrants.

Germany, it seems, had a german green card program targetted at Indian IT professionals in particular in the late 90s.

Watching the U.S. economy soar during the '90s, the Germans had decided that they, too, needed to go the high-technology route. But how? In the late '90s, the answer seemed obvious: Indians. After all, Indian entrepreneurs accounted for one of every three Silicon Valley start-ups. So the German government decided that it would lure Indians to Germany just as America does: by offering green cards. Officials created something called the German Green Card and announced that they would issue 20,000 in the first year.

Obviously they did not do a good job of advertising it, because as an IT professional in the late 90s, I had no earthly clue such a thing even existed. Obviously, it was a big flop but not because of lack of publicity but because of the crappy nature of the program. It was nowhere close to an American Green Card.

The German Green Card was misnamed, I argued, because it never, under any circumstances, translated into German citizenship. The U.S. green card, by contrast, is an almost automatic path to becoming American (after five years and a clean record)......
So Germany was asking bright young professionals to leave their country, culture and families, move thousands of miles away, learn a new language and work in a strange land—but without any prospect of ever being part of their new home. Germany was sending a signal, one that was accurately received in India and other countries, and also by Germany's own immigrant community.

The *current* American approach of a (student visa->)work permit->green card->citizenship gives immigrant people (yours truly, for instance and even Zakaria himself), a ray of hope that there will be some eventuality to this whole saga of immigration and perhaps that makes them feel welcome. If you left everything and everyone dear to you, moved to a foreign country and worked your whole life towards making that country a better place, isnt that a nice gift to get in the bargain - the feeling of belonging and being welcome?

Beyond the purely economic issue, however, there is the much deeper one that defines America—to itself, to its immigrants and to the world. How do we want to treat those who are already in this country, working and living with us? How do we want to treat those who come in on visas or guest permits? These people must have some hope, some reasonable path to becoming Americans.

Rajasthan textbook: "Loyal" donkeys better than wives, says textbook

A textbook in Rajasthan has apparently made a comparision between women and donkeys and the latter came on top.

---

From yahoo.com:

"A donkey is like a housewife ... In fact, the donkey is a shade better, for while the housewife may sometimes complain and walk off to her parents' home, you'll never catch the donkey being disloyal to his master," the newspaper reported, quoting a Hindi-language primer meant for 14-year-olds.

---

From answers.com:

prim·er (prĭm'ər) pronunciation
n.
1. An elementary textbook for teaching children to read.
2. A book that covers the basic elements of a subject.

---

Shameful that the government would even allow something like that to be published. Anything degrading women should not be published anywhere in the first place, certainly not in a textbook. When the western media is looking for more reasons to potray India as the "mystic orient", we provide more reasons for them to do so.

Paris Hilton approached for Mother Teresa's role

See the resemblance?

An Indian filmmaker has Paris Hilton on his short list of people to play Mother Teresa.

From aol.com:

Film director T. Rajeevnath, who is based in Thiruvananthapuram, India, says Hilton is on his short list to play Mother Teresa in a biopic he's planning about the Nobel Peace Prize winner, who worked among Calcutta's poor with the Missionaries of Charity.


"(Hilton's) features resemble Mother Teresa's," Rajeevnath – whose films include Janani (Mother), an award-winner in India about nuns caring for an abandoned infant – told Agence France-Presse yesterday.

Mother Teresa gave up all earthly possessions to help the poor, Paris spends as much money as possible. Mother Teresa made videos trying to convince people to help starving children. Paris makes videos having sex with her boyfriend and then stopping to answer her cellphone. There are so similar its scary. Yes, Rajeevnath. I see the resemblance.

April Fool's day .......... on March 31st

I'll admit I was at the recieving end of one of the most elaborate April Fool's day hoaxes I've experienced. The problem was the prank was played on March 31st. Cheap shot.
I can so see these guys yelling "Happy New Year" when the clock strikes midnight on December 30th.

Sad day in desi blogging

The Sepia Mutiny has come to an end ......... at least temporarily. Some cyber squatter has taken over and is selling junk stuff poking fun of the Indian culture.
Manish and co. if you are reading this, hang in there buddies and next time set domain names on auto-renewal.

Defacing India

Defacing India

Photo from RajeshKrishnamurthy.com

When you search for grafitti on Indian temples and places of historical importance, you really dont have to search too much. This particular photo stood out to me. I'm not sure which temple this is but seems to be somewhere in TamilNadu. Some of the writings on the wall seem to be Tamil (I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong).
When I was in India last February, there was this little feature on NDTV, which was focused on the same issue - grafitti on historical monuments particularly the Charminar. Most of the offenders they came across were college students from middle class to well-to-do families from the looks of it. Their reasons for defacing our historical monuments included a myriad of reasons - just for the heck of it, rebellion against the society and their parents in particular, professing their puppy love and, the one that struck me, they wanted to become part of history by writing their names on a historical monument!!!!
This maybe stem from my NRI sensiblities but please lets leave our temples and monuments alone. If we want to become a part of history lets do something more deserving like inventing a cure for cancer, putting man on Mars or bringing world peace.

India Mike Charlie Foxtrot

The other day I was browsing through Wikipedia and chanced upon this topic on NATO Phonetic Alphabets. It's a pretty entertaining read and highly recommended.
For instance you probably heard these in movies involving the armed forces and/or aeroplanes:
Alpha (stands for A), Bravo (B), Charlie (C), Delta (D).

From Wiki:

The NATO phonetic alphabet is a common name for the international radiotelephony spelling alphabet which assigns code words to the letters of the English alphabet so that critical combinations of letters (and numbers) can be pronounced and understood by those who transmit and receive voice messages by radio or telephone regardless of their native language, especially when the safety of navigation or persons is essential. It is used by many national and international organizations, including the International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO), the International Telecommunication Union (ITU), the International Maritime Organization (IMO), the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation (NATO), the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), and the American National Standards Institute (ANSI).

Some usages in movies and novels include:

The NATO phonetic alphabet is referred to repeatedly in Robert Ludlum's novel The Bourne Identity. The phrase Cain is for Charlie and Delta is for Cain is repeated, always italicised, to symbolise the messages relayed to the main character during the Vietnam war....................................

The nickname "Charlie" used by US servicemen in the Vietnam War is derived from "Victor Charlie", the NATO phoneticism for the initials of the Viet Cong, the armed insurgents in the Republic of Vietnam (South Vietnam)............................

The term "Charlie Foxtrot" is used as an abbreviation for CF in American Military slang to refer to a "cluster f@#k" or "completely f@#ked".................

And now for the desi connection:
India is the "I" in the Nato Phonetic Alphabet.

Refer to "I" for "India"

So, if I wanted to say "I'm (I M) completely f@#ked" that would be "India Mike Charlie Foxtrot".

Family of 5 beheaded for "witchcraft"

In a modern day revisital to the Salem Witch Trials, 5 people from a family were beheaded in Assam in eastern India.

Copycat killings??

The tea plantation worker and his four children had been blamed for causing a disease which killed two other workers and made many unwell in Assam state.

About 200 villagers tried and sentenced the family in an unofficial court, then publicly beheaded them with machetes.

They then marched to a police station with the heads, chanting slogans denouncing witchcraft and black magic.

So his only known crime was that he could not cure those people. That's just sad and plain brutal.

Film on Indian math genius - Srinavasa Ramanujam

Srinivasa Ramanujam (1887-1920)

Another Brit filmmaker, another movie on a great Indian. British director Stephen Fry and Dev Benegal are collaborating to make a movie on the math genius, Srinivasa Ramanujam.

From BBC.com:
British director Stephen Fry and India's Dev Benegal are to make a film about an Indian mathematician whose ideas underpin the digital revolution.

Srinavasa Ramanujan, a poor college dropout who died aged 33, ended up at Cambridge in the early 1900s and was acknowledged as a mathematical genius.

The joint production will look at his relationship with Cambridge don GH Hardy who "discovered" him.

The film will begin shooting next year in Tamil Nadu state and Cambridge.

Now that they are finally making a movie I wish they would at least spell his name correct, its Ramanujam not Ramanujan. I guess they're confusing the name with the name Ramajuan, which is the character played by the delectable Navi Rawat in the hit show Numb3rs, who also (co-incidentally) happens to potray a math genius in that show.

The reel life Ramajuan, or did they try to spell Ramanujam?

Curious question on the subscription form on Little India magazine

As I was clicking around the form for the free (true to my desi roots) subscription to Little India magazine, I came across a weird question on the form:

Color of your Eyes: Black/Brown/Blue/Green/Other

Not being in the magazine distribution business, I'm not sure what this question has to with a magazine subscription or maybe I'm right and it has absolutely no place in that form.

Cartoon strip from LittleIndia.com

A glaring inconsistency in Lagaan

Maybe I missed this if it happened, but during the final cricket match, not one person was given out LBW. In fact, there was not a single appeal for LBW. Seems very unlikely.

Real life Mr. and Mrs. Smith

To quote some cliches:
Fact is stranger than fiction.
Real life imitates reel life.

This Mexican couple tried to cut, shoot and blow up each other after a marital spat got out of hand. Wonder what the argument was? Did the guy forget to put the toilet seat down?

Poster made from Scarface Script

Nothing related to India or desis here but I thought this was really cool. This dude made a poster that lists every single word in the script of the movie Scarface.

The black and red background is actually text

Scarface is one of favorite movies of all times. Of course, Amitabh Bachchan starred in the Indian adaptation of Scarface, Agneepath.

India - where modern technology fuses with the traditional

This picture may be unusual to anyone not originally from India. Shown above is an elephant wandering a busy bazaar in Mumbai. This picture was taken with my brother's cellphone camera, which are sold along with clothes, groceries and vegetables in the same bazaar. The poor pachyderm was rambling along the streets on a hot day probably on his way to be participate at a circus or a local fair or to be displayed at a temple.
It's just amazing how people were going about their business without making a big deal of such a huge creature in a crowded place. Of course, I was fascinated by the whole scene, probably the NRI in me.

Happy Holi

Spring Break - desi ishstyle

Mural in the Men's Room

At least they did not include a chick with magnifying glasses.

Marauder's take on the Oscars 2006

From CNN: The big winners Hoffman and Witherspoon

Last night's Academy Awards Ceremony was a big snoozefest. Jon Stewart was good but you had the feeling he was not letting go, maybe because of all the problems these big events had with the FCC recently. The audience was probably reeling from the all the pre-Oscar partying or saving themselves for the parties later. The musical items and photo montages were perfect for the perennial insomniac.

From moviepie.com: The surprise winner from last night "Crash"

Crash was definitely the big winner and a surprise at that. But it was the movie yours truly liked from the list, so go figure. Sure the movie was not considered "Oscar material" because of its improbable storyline. But it was extremely well made and held your attention till the very end.

From Oscars.com: Ang Lee's big moment

Ang Lee definitely deserved best director. I think this may be the first award in that category by a man of Asian descent. Imagine that - a Chinese dude making a movie about gay cowboys in 1960s Wyoming!! Here's to having a desi director holding that award one day and yelling something in Hindi, Tamil, Punjabi, Marathi or some other language from the sub-continent.

Shyamalan: A "commercial success"

Talking of desi directors winning Oscars, M. Shyamalan made quite an impression with his American Express commercal last night. The Manoj Shyamalan AmEx ad was one of the bright spots in an otherwise uninspiring "yet another awards ceremony" night. I'm sure I'm not the only person who was tricked for a moment into thinking that this was one of the photo montages or a preview for one his upcoming movies. The fact that he wrote and directed this commerical himself is a testament to his versatility.

360 degree panaromic shot of Paris at nighttime

Click here

Bush in India - Inappropriate "Ghandi" joke on Letterman

Does this gentleman look like Osama to you?

My pet peeve with most American writers and media - if you are referring to a great leader please take the pains to at least spell their name correctly. It's Gandhi not Ghandi.
Letterman is usually pretty funny when he cracks on people and leaders. I've no problem when he was picking on how Bush landed at the Delhi airport and complained to airport security about "all them suspeesus people in turbans" or Dr. Manmohan's name or Dr. Kalam's hairstyle. But then he went over the line when he made a joke about Gandhi and Osama. On the last night's show (2nd March 2006), Letterman was doing a spoof of and hour-by-hour account of Bush's timetable in India. That's when he made the cracked the joke on how Bush looked at Gandhi's photo and asked "when did Osama lose his beard".
He read that from a sheet of paper, then paused for a second, shocked. Does he even write his own material? Then he said something to the effect of "lets not go there" and continued with his item. Maybe I'm being an oversensitive brown dude but I really doubt if Letterman would have the balls to make a similar remark about Martin Luther King Jr.

The ultimate upset - FSU over Duke

SIFY.com - NSFW

The web content people of Sify.com would certainly do better to mark some of their content NSFW.
For instance they have a thumbnail image on Elisha Cuthbert on their home page under the section titled "Gallery" (see below image).

Warning: Clicking on this image may be NSFW

When you click on that image, it takes you to a nice body shot of Elisha in a swim suit. I dont know about most workplaces but in these days of harassment law suits this is certainly not suitable for my workplace.

Open Source Movie Making - Desi Ishtyle

Films in the "tambu"

The past few days there's this being buzz generated by the Puri film festival. Most of the movie are shown in makeshift tents, or "tambus" as they are referred to back home. Reminds me of the days as a kid back in Mumbai when they screened the latest hits on projector and screen in makeshift tents during Ganesh Chaturti.

From BBC:

There are no entry forms, selection procedures, competitions, juries, awards, bureaucracies. There are simply a lot of films to be shown.

Bring Your Own Film Festival is an innovative event held on the sandy beaches of Puri in the eastern Indian state of Orissa. It has been drawing droves of filmmakers from home and abroad.

Apparently any dude (or dudette) can show up with their movie and more than likely it will be screened. This is the third year for the festival and it's beginning to attarct some big names from the movie industry. Another question on everyone's mind. How does one ensure the quality of the movies?

From BBC:

Festival enthusiasts have their rationale.

"'India makes about 900 films a year and not even two make it to [festivals like] Cannes. Does it mean that the rest of the films are bad? For a festival in which anybody can participate, a couple of poorly-made films are a risk one has to take," says one.

After all most movies are bound to be better than the countless D- grade Mithun movies churned out by Bollywood year after year anyway.

Image of the day

(Image and Caption Courtesy: BBC News)

US marines work in an international rescue team on Leyte island in the Philippines where some 1,000 people are feared dead following a mudslide.

For all the bad rep, that the US armed forces earn because of the current political situation, they do some good work too!

VP: Shooting was based on faulty intelligence

CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE

Believed Shooting Victim Was Zawahiri, Veep Says

Vice President Dick Cheney revealed today that he shot a fellow hunter while on a quail hunting trip over the weekend because he believed the man was the fugitive terror mastermind Ayman al-Zawahiri.

Mr. Cheney acknowledged that the man he sprayed with pellets on Saturday was not al-Zawahiri but rather Harry Whittington, a 78-year-old millionaire lawyer from Austin, blaming the mix-up on "faulty intelligence."

"I believed I had credible intelligence that al-Zawahiri had infiltrated my hunting party in disguise with the intent of spraying me with pellets," Mr. Cheney told reporters. "Only after I shot Harry in the face and he shouted 'Cheney, you bastard' did I realize that this intelligence was faulty."

Moments after Mr. Cheney's assault on Mr. Whittington, Mr. al-Zawahiri appeared in a new videotape broadcast on al-Jazeera to announce that he was uninjured in the vice president's attack because, in his words, "I was in Pakistan."

An aide to the vice president said he believed that the American people would believe Mr. Cheney's version of events, but added, "If he was going to shoot any of his cronies right now it's a shame it wasn't Jack Abramoff."

At the White House, President George W. Bush defended his vice president's shooting of a fellow hunter, saying that the attack sent "a strong message to terrorists everywhere."

"The message is, if Dick Cheney is willing to shoot an innocent American citizen at point-blank range, imagine what he'll do to you," Mr. Bush said.

Elsewhere, aviator Steve Fossett completed his three-day journey around the globe, setting a world record for wasting both time and money.

"Shikari Shambu" Dick Cheney

"Late Show with David Letterman," CBS:

• "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney."
• "But here is the sad part — before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor."
• "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."
• "The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."
  

"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," NBC:

• "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.
• "That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."
• "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?'"
• "Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"
  

"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central:

• "Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."
• "Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted — it's just not worth it."
  

"Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," CBS:

• "He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right."
• "You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.' "
• "The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep."
• "Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past."

Sixer for today

6. Thank god my plane was delayed by 5 hours in Mumbai. As a result of that, I got a direct connection from Paris to Atlanta instead of going through New York City and getting caught in the great blizzard of 2006.
5. Customer service ends when you cross the US border. The same damn airline I flew with had crappy customer service in Mumbai and even worse in Paris.
4. Mumbai will soon be a city of either highrises or slums, nothing in between.
3. Musharraf complimented Dhoni's locks. This is newsworthy.
2. "Rang de Basanti" was an excellent movie with a great soundtrack. Looks like they ran out of money at the end. Ending could've been better.

and finally......

1. Jetlag sucks!!

Romeo-Juliet, Laila-Majnu, Laloo-Rabri???

A Dating Site named after Laloo

Kuttas* v/s Kaminas**

It is a sorry state of affairs but there is a warm fuzzy side to this story. Cops in Maoist rebel infested areas of Bihar are not equipped to protect themselves and their neighbourhoods from regular attacks from these rebels. So they feed the stray dogs and the dogs in turn bark at intruders in the area and alert the cops.

K9 to 5 desi ishtyle

Police in India's Bihar state are so short of resources they are using a pack of stray dogs to protect themselves from Maoist rebels.

Three policemen at Paraiya station in central Gaya district were killed in a rebel attack in July 2003.

Now Paraiya's ill-equipped cops are benefiting from canine protection round the clock, officers say.

In return for food and their own kitchen, the dogs prowl the premises at night and bark at all intruders.

The number of strays has shot up from six to 36 in under two years.

"It's not possible to keep a watch on each nook and cranny of the sprawling campus of the police station, especially at night time," officer Baidyanath Rai told the BBC.

"We've also very limited resources and strength to keep the night vigil. So we've kept the street canines for the purpose.

"Isn't a dog a man's best friend?" he asks, as he pats the back of one of the older dogs, Shera, and thanks him for his unstinting service.

*Kutta = Hindi for dog
**Kamina = swine. Popular Hindi movie term for the bad guy.

Oasis in the desert

Back in the 80s, my cousin who lived in Dubai (obviously Mallu) would proclaim that you could practically get any Desi stuff there. I would look at him in disbelief. Life has come a whole circle and now it seems like you can even visit the Taj while in Dubai.

Not your everyday Taj Mahal in Agra

The Taj Mahal at the Global Village in Dubai is drawing huge crowds.

The replica is close to the one at Agra in grandeur and almost three-fourths the size of the original.

Spread over a massive 400,000 square feet, this unique structure now completed at the Global Village is drawing thousands of visitors' everyday.

Zee Television and the NRI-owned Dubai Hotel Grand have sponsored the project.

''We have opened the Taj Mahal for public viewing and are thrilled to welcome everyone to see this beautiful replica. We are delighted to partner with Real Media-Zee Network to showcase the Taj at Dubai, a place where world cultures unite,'' S P Singh, chairman, Dubai Grand Hotel, said.

The director of the Global Village Ibrahim Abdulrahim said the importance of having the replica of the Taj Mahal is that it helps broadens visitors knowledge about India's rich civilisation.

The Global Village plays an important role as the melting pot of over 160 nationalities, he added.

''While the original Taj Mahal took 23 years, 20,000 people and 1,000 elephants, its smaller replica in Dubai has been created in just three months by 600 people, of which 270 artisans were flown from India to recreate the magical splendor of the original,'' Singh said.

''Special stone was specially flown in from Jaipur, Rajasthan. The landscaping of the original monument has also found their way into the new creation,'' he added.

The guy no one wants to be

Imagine yourself in his shoes (pun intended)

A stumbling visitor to a top museum has destroyed a set of priceless vases which stood on a shelf for 40 years.

The 300-year-old Qing vases were among the best known artefacts at the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge.

The visitor is said to have slipped on a loose shoelace and fallen down a staircase bringing the vases crashing down as he tried to steady himself.

Image of the day

This one is photoshopped

Tonight's State of the Union speech by George W. Bush

This is the first draft of tonight's State of the Union which will be delivered by our dear President co-incidentally sandwiched in between sitcoms.

MY STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH by George W. Bush

Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, extreme members of Congress, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and children of all ages.

As we boldly enter a new year of hurling before us, I've come before you to tell you that Freedom is spreading like cancer in the Middle East, our economy is even robustier than it was last year and, if we all work together in this coming year, there will be countless more fish to fry, or bake if you're watching your cholesterol.

Tonight, with more and more Americans going back to work, with our nation an active force for goodnicity in the world, the state of our union is truly flamboyiscious. (SP?)

This past year, we have accomplished many things that no one expected and some outright feared.

Our No Child Left Behind Act has not only increased our youngins' ability to read and do math, but we have decreased the student population dramatically, nationwide. Now, when a child graduates high school, not only will he or she be able to print his or her name tag while asking "Do you want fries with that?" they'll be able to add up the menu total.

The past year, we've reframed and totally regurgitated Medicare, creating thousands of jobs in emergency room care.

We have added two million jobs in non-auto construction related fields.

We have plugged the holes of the bankruptcy dykes, who threatened to cheat honest bankers and credit card employers out of their hard squandered cash.

We have tackled such hard questions as how frightened are you of Social Security disappearing, how many hurricanes can FEMA handle and how fast can the House pass a bill when no one is looking?

But we must not rest on our laureates.

The year ahead will present us with challenges both overseas, at home and elsewhere.

I'm going to remind you all that we're living in hysteric times. The decisions we make today will help shape the direction of events for years, even weeks, to come.

Now, recently, there has been a hornet's nest of inflappatory (SP?) rhetoric concerning my involvement with so called "domestic spying." It's true, I have allowed NASA to spy on Americans but let me remind you of one important fact: the world changed after 9/11.

Think about it. 9/10? You're riding your bike whistling a happy tune. 9/12? You're scared stiff. In between? 9/11. Bingo.

If any of you don't remember 9/11, we were attacked by a group of drooling madmen who hate us for our freedoms, so I decided to lessen them.

And, if NASA can safely land people on the Moon, it can handle this finely.

Our "domestic spying" program isn't. (Does that make sense, Karl?) It's a program devoted to "terrorist surveillance" or, as I call it, "terrorist tattling."

If al Qaeda is talking to you? E-mailing you? Sending you a candy-gram? I want to know about it. This program only involves American citizens who are calling known terrorists in another country or another state. We have a list of terrorist groups we're monitoring from al Qaeda to al PETA and al Quaker.

The terrorist tattler program is necessary to protect America from attacks either within our own borders or even closer. Terrorists will use every available weapon at their disposal, from dirty bombs to free speech, to break the will of the American people. I vow I will never let that happen. That's my job.

Some people say that I've broken the law. That's not true. A President has inherent authorities given to him by the Constitution. One of them is breaking the law. I hope this puts an end to the issue.

Oh, yeah, I don't know Jack Abramoff, either.

This year, I'm asking Congress to help me in passing bills that will help all American people struggle.

We're setting a goal of creating two million more jobs, some of them actually in this country.

We will tackle affordable Health Care insurance the way we did Medicare. By this time, next year, Americans will be dancing in the streets, unless they're too old or too sick.

We will help an additional 200,000 unemployed workers get training for a new job. If you could build a Bronco, you can flip a burger. It's the American way.

We should not be content with laws that punish hardworking people who want only to provide for their families, and deny businesses willing workers, and invite chaos at our border. It is time for an immigration policy that permits temporary guest workers to fill jobs Americans will not take, like joining the military. This will not apply to Canadians.

Because marriage is a sacred institution and the foundation of our society, it should not be re-defined by activist judges or odd people. For the good of families, children, and society, I support a constitutional amendment to protect the institution of marriage as long as divorce is left out of the equestrian.

As you all know, the world is facing a possible pandemonium of bird flu. As your President, I vowel that no foreign birds will be allowed in this country without having proper background checks done.

I'm also pleased to report that our ongoing War on Global Terror has had an explosive effect on the world. After 9/11, and our world changed after 9/11, we decided to go after the evil-doers and tackle Afghanistan. I'm proud to report that Afghanistan is now a democracy, the Taliban has started it's own political party and that formerly vicious warlords are now elected officials. Plus, their economy is booming thanks to farmers who grow flowers. From what I understand, they've had a record year.

In Iraq, the Iraqis are standing up so we can sit it out. They now have their own government, their own Constitution, their own problems.

Before the United States of America drove out the Butcherer of Baghdad, Iraq was a country filled with mass graves. Today? There are no more mass graves, just a whole bunch of little ones. Before the United States went to the aid of our Iraqi brothers and sisters, Saddam brutalized his own people. Now that they have their own elected government, Iraqis are free to brutalize each other as they see fit.

(Karl, I think this is where we should introduce dead soldiers' parents, wives and kids. See if you can get one kid to bring a bunny. Bunnies are cute. Plus, Easter is right around the corner.)

Democracy is on the march in the Middle East, with more and more people choosing ballots over bullets or, sometimes, both.

As you know, even in Palestinia, there were free elections. And, if not free, relatively cheap. We look forward to working with the Humus Party in reaching a peaceful settlement of the Israeli-Palestinian problem as soon as they take Israel's total destruction off the table.

Now, I know, when it comes to my foreign policy of peace, democracy and loving yourself as much as your neighbor does himself, there are some naysayers in this country who say "nay." But, where you say "nay?" I say, "hey, how's it going?" And many brave people with purple fingers say "hey" back, but it's in a different language so I can't quite catch all of it. It's awesome-inspiring.

I suppose that makes me an optometrist. Some people look at a glass and wonder if it's half-empty or half-full of it. I always know it's half-full of it.

Now, in order to protect our great Homeland and to allow it to prosper, I ask Congress to do two things: make my tax cuts permanent and re-authorize the Patriot Act.

Many of my opponents have unfairly said my tax cuts are biased because rich people save the most. Well, a-heh-heh (Karl. People love it when I wink and laugh.), any economist knows that rich people have the most money to save because they have the most money. (Karl. Is this redundant or smart?)

They, then, take their savings and put it back into our great economy, creating new jobs for house servants, valets, car detailers, and tennis pros.

And don't forget the backbone of our country, the small businesses run by entremanures. My tax cuts guarantee them savings when they expand their temp services, limousine services and landscaping enterprises.

As some of you know, the world changed after 9/11 and, since the creation of The Department of Homeland Security, we have not been attacked a second time. Sure, a lot of other countries have, but they don't have Homeland Security departments. We do. They don't. That simple.

Remember, these evildoers we are fighting never sleep. Their vision is dark and dim and they never have their eyes checked. Like the Tin Woodsman in 'The Wizard of Oz,' they have no hearts. They don't even have tin. They kill innocent men, women, children and bunnies (Karl. I guess I'm just in a bunny mood today.). In order to save the children and bunnies, I ask Congress to make Homeland Security a bastardion of our country.

The War on Global Terror will last a bazillion years. In Iraq alone, we're battling "rejectionists," "poo-pooers," "al Qaeda," "foreign fighters," "local fighters," "commuters," "Baathists," "Showerists," and Venutians. We have to be vigilant. We have to stand tall in the saddle.

Now, I know I have my critics because of the war and Homeland Security, and I know this is an election year but, in the spirit of bi-partisanship, I extend a fig towards the opposition and say, if I may use Latin? "Ix-nay."

Every bad thing you say about the War on Global Terror makes the evil-doers laugh and our soldiers cry. Think about it.

So, in closing, in this coming year, we must not look back. We must look in the opposite direction. We must jog on the treadmill of hope towards a more peaceful and zesty future. The road somewhere will be long and, maybe, lumpy. But it's up to us, as pothole filling patriots, to keep that road alive and well. And tread upon it as we do ourselves.

As Franklin Deleanor Roosevelt once said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." So, smile and be afraid. I'm in charge.

God bless me. God bless Mommy and Daddy. And Barney. God bless all Americans. God bless der Homeland.

Catholic school's mistake has International students reaching "hot, horny girls"

"Hey there, sexy guy. Welcome to an exciting new way to go live one-on-one with hot, horny girls waiting right now to talk to you," the recording tells callers to the second number before prompting them to enter their credit card numbers.

Embarrassed Seton Hall officials said it appears two digits in the phone number were swapped on the undergraduate application